“The greatest compliment ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought and listened to my answer.” Henry David Thoreau
This certainly provides food for thought. How often – and I am as guilty as anyone of this – do we get so absorbed in our own activities and ideas that we don’t actually listen to what other people have to say?
The problem is probably pretty universal, but I suspect occurs more in the workplace than anywhere else. Reliable statistics on the number of good ideas ignored in work situations each day would, I am sure, be mind-boggling.
We all feed off what we perceive other people think of us. Not being listened to thus sends the message that we aren’t valued and diminishes our sense of self-worth. This is passive abuse! Bad though that is, the consequences are worse, for people whose ideas are routinely ignored or dismissed will soon feel they don’t have anything to contribute and so stop thinking. Even worse, the effect becomes contagious and cultures develop that prevent even newcomers from thinking and speaking. Life then reflects the experiment where monkeys are sprayed with cold water every time one of their number attempts to climb to reach a banana. Not only do all the others attack it to stop it, but they continue to do so, even after all the monkeys have been individually replaced by monkeys that have not been subjected to this treatment.
Could the lack of employee engagement in the workplace that presents such a challenge to most organisations today, be the consequence of such attitudes?
Thoreau certainly suggests it could. We all know that a genuine compliment makes us feel good. And ultimately, feeling good about ourselves is the primary determinant of happiness. And a key factor in feeling good about ourselves is enjoying what we do. Thus happy people are people who enjoy whatever they do. So poor employee engagement statistics clearly reveal that the majority are unhappy in their work!
That may be stating the obvious, yet Thoreau’s statement also implies the solution, and – because compliments are complimentary – it is free! A sincere compliment is actually a gift, and a pretty valuable one, because it adds to the speaker’s sense of self-worth. We all know people who have turned down more lucrative positions because they are happy where they are. Invariably this is because they either feel appreciated or – its flip side – that they are ‘making a difference.’ They stay because their role gives them a sense of worth that they know they are unlikely to get elsewhere.
So perhaps reducing employee turnover and winning employee engagement isn’t as difficult as we think. It may simply entail listening more and so conveying the message you recognise people’s value. If you see the good in them they will deliver the goods!
How much more successful we would all be if we offered this compliment more!